


We Have Different Heartbeats but All the Same Heartbreak

by Omnishambling



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: AU, Getting Together, M/M, eventual Bitty/Holster, necessary angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-05
Updated: 2015-10-15
Packaged: 2018-04-25 00:44:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4940152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Omnishambling/pseuds/Omnishambling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Johnson is worried when reality sets in resulting in the storyline splitting from canon. Time for the back up plan to be initiated...</p><p>The team is falling apart and the Haus doesn’t feel much like the home it once did. Things may seem grim but Holster gets some hope and an idea.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Back-Up Plan

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think of this and if you think I should continue with it, I’ve got an idea where I’m going but it but don’t want to spoil it too much.
> 
> Massive thanks to my beta for this and to ronibravo for getting the Bitty/Holster idea stuck in my head since their comic!
> 
> Title from the fic comes from a song by Susanne Sunfor called Slowly.
> 
> Updates to come semi-regularly (going to say weekly for now).
> 
> Finally a song rec to go with this if you’ve skipped ahead or check out the notes first try Trust Me by Susanne Sunfor - I think it fits the tone quite well - sad and hopeful.

Holster lost track of time after the 3rd episode of Arrested Development that he’d been watching with Lardo. Both of them were sitting in a gloomy silence on the couch of suspect cleanliness in the front room of the Haus.

Lardo and Shitty had been noticeably distant since Shitty had left for Law school, which Holster imagined was the cause of her visible sadness. The guys had assumed that by setting Bitty up across the hall from Lardo he’d be there to help her enjoy her final year, but then Bitty had seemed just as distant as well: rather than spending most of his time in the kitchen or fussing over everyone as he had done since starting at Samwell he’d withdrawn into his room. At the first question of anything being wrong he would put on a fake smile and insist everything was fine, and that he just needed some time to himself for a while. Though nothing had been confirmed, Holster assumed something big happened over the summer away that had stuck with him.

As for Holster, after Ransom got captaincy they’d grown distant. He thought Ransom was perfect for the position when it was being considered the year before and everyone else just fell in line with it. The problem was that Ransom hadn’t seen it as the compliment Holster had thought it was, and between that and their classes they’d grown more distant than they’d ever been since starting college. They spent less time together with Ransom splitting his time between studies and planning more and more, or at least that was the reason he’d been given. Ransom had started coping better with managing to work through stress rather than zoning out when he pushed himself too hard, but it had led to a lot more tension between the two of them as well as the rest of the team.

To Holster it felt like the team was falling apart at the seams.

“Oh oh oh…” Holster picked up the phone before any more of All The Single Ladies blasted out, as Lardo gave him a dark side eye. He answered the call as he jumped off the couch to head toward the kitchen.

“…Bitster, I guess that could work?” Johnson muttered to himself at the other end of the line.

“Hey Johnson, I didn’t know you had my number. What’s up?” he asked as he leaned against the counter, checking out the thin layer of dust that had settled onto every surface. It was a sign of how much things had changed since the year before.

“Hey Holster, I haven’t got much time. There’s been a canon divergence due to too much reality affecting the ship. I need you to do me a favour and grab my back up plan from under the loose floorboard in front of Bitty’s room.” He rambled.

“You mean your old room?”

“Nah. That was always Bitty’s room, I was just the prelude to him getting there. Do you think you could check for me now? There’s not much time before the whole storyline falls apart…” he asked desperately.

“Err, ok? I’ll go check now.” Holster said as he strolled out from the kitchen toward the stairs. Lardo quickly glanced over before being distracted by Buster screaming that he was a monster on screen.

“Oh great, well hopefully we’ll speak again unless this doesn’t work out.” With a *click* the line went dead.

Holster gave Johnson the benefit of the doubt. His crazy ideas about being trapped in a story were harmless enough. He locked the phone and shoved it into the pocket of his worn grey hoodie as he climbed the stairs.

Approaching Bitty’s door, he could hear his muffled voice from within the room but didn’t dwell on it as he reached down to work on removing the floorboard.

“Hey y’all.” Bitty started from inside his room, “I’ve tried a few times now to record a new vlog as quite a few of you have been asking why I’ve been so quiet lately.”

Holster knew he shouldn’t listen but couldn’t help but overhear. He tried to move the board out of the way but found it wasn’t as loose as he’d hoped.

“I’ve gotta be honest, this is a touchy subject for me. Just before summer I got to kiss someone I thought I’d never be able to and he kissed me back. During the summer we talked a lot and I kept thinking that it was turning out like a fairy tale come true, but like a lot of things in real life it didn’t work out. He told me he felt the same way I did but we couldn’t be together, at least not for a while.”

Holster tugged at the board, trying to get whatever it was and leave before he heard anymore. He didn’t know for sure what Bitty was talking about, but he could make a good guess as to who he’d been referring to.

“He asked if we could still be friends and I just couldn’t answer. It hurt so much…” he trailed off for a second with what Holster could only assume was a muffled sob. “I thought that it was bad enough falling for a straight boy but it’s even worse to know that you could be with them if it wasn’t for life getting in the way. At least with a straight guy you can’t regret not trying.”

Holster had managed to move the board back a bit and desperately grabbed inside for whatever it was Johnson had left there. He hadn’t meant to eavesdrop on Bitty and now he was almost sure Bitty had been referring to Jack. As painful as it was to admit, Holster could relate to how Bitty felt. Over the few years that he and Ransom had been friends he’d also developed a crush on him. He knew it could never happen and so told himself he could be happy just being friends as they were practically inseparable anyway. Holster had never assumed that they’d stay close friends for the rest of their lives, but he hadn’t anticipated the rift forming between them so soon. In a way it felt like they were slowly breaking up, much like a couple falling out of love and it had hit him in a way that he didn’t know how to recover from. In the end he’d just been moping in amicable silence with Lardo watching reruns of their favourite shows hoping that the nostalgia would make them feel better.

“Anyway, sorry it’s a short update but I just wanted to explain why I need to take some time before I post anything else. Thanks for the support y’all.”

Since Bitty had arrived he’d taken care of the team. He’d made sure everyone was included, was comfortable and he never asked for anything in return. Holster knew that to save the team he needed to help Bitty, he just wasn’t sure how. After one last attempt at rummaging under the floor he grabbed at something that felt like a puck which he pulled out just as the door to Bitty’s room opened.

Judging by the look on Bitty’s face he hadn’t expected to find Holster kneeling in front of him holding a puck in both hands like a wedding ring.

*Sniff* “Holster, what’re you doing down there?” Bitty asked whilst wiping at his puffy eyes with the cuffs of an old sweater.

“Oh, I was just looking for something for Johnson.” So sue him, he couldn’t think well on his feet (or his knees at any rate). “Anyway, I was just wondering if you want to grab a coffee with Lardo and me? We haven’t been to Annie’s in a while and we don’t want them to think you’ve died or, even worse, set up your own coffee shop to rival them.”

He finished with what he was hoping was a cheeky grin but judging by Bitty’s smile it’d ended up being more goofy.

“OK sure. Let me just get changed and I’ll meet you downstairs.” he said closing the door.

Holster put his hands on the ground to push himself up when Bitty shouted from his room.

“And you better put that board back before you give me another concussion!”

Holster laughed and realised that he couldn’t remember the last time he’d laughed at something that wasn’t on a TV show. He adjusted the boards before looking at the back of the puck and finding it had “Plan B” written across it. Not understanding the meaning, he just shook his head and walked back downstairs to find Lardo still absorbed with the TV.

“You want to grab a coffee with Bitty and me? I was thinking we could start a lonely hearts club.” he joked.

To Holster’s surprise she gave a genuine smile before getting up from the couch and punching him in the arm.

“You, my unnaturally tall friend, are an ass.” she said, “Why not, it’s not like we’ve got anything in to eat but,” she shuddered “dried noodles.”

Lardo turned at the noise made by Bitty as he made his way down the stairs to meet them in a tee and gilet. It was barely visible that he’d been crying, apart from the slight redness and swelling still remaining around his eyes.

“You sure you’re not going to be too cold in that? Any season that isn’t summer around here and you’re like a tiny ice cube.” Holster joked, pinching his fingers and squinting his eyes to try to lighten the mood.

“Keep it up and y’all’ll be wearing whatever you order.” Bitty said dryly causing a snort of laughter to come from Lardo.

Bitty smiled back at her as they both leant in for a short hug. With just that small act, it felt to Holster like some of the tension that had been building up around the Haus had melted away. There was still a long way to go, but it was a start.

“Let’s go! But first I’m warning you now I’m not giving either of you piggy backs if you get tired from using your tiny legs.” he said with a smirk, throwing the puck on the windowsill by the front door.

“Keep it up with the short jokes Hols. Just remember that it means we’re much closer to removing a piece of your anatomy you’ll sorely miss.” Lardo said with a smirk, causing Bitty to blush as he giggled.

Holster just laughed in response whilst holding the door open for the other two. This was going to be a long afternoon.


	2. Lonely Hearts Club

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holster thinks laughter is the best medicine but when that doesn't work maybe it's time for a bit of honesty...

Holster laid the Styrofoam cups on the table before sitting down with a huff. He shuffled along the seat of the booth opposite Lardo and Bitty, who were huddled together checking out whatever it was on the screen of Bitty’s phone. Lardo looked toward Bitty with concern whilst Bitty, sporting a sad smile, hit the power button and threw the phone on the table with more force than necessary.

“Don’t get me wrong, I love Pumpkin Spice but the amount of sugar we’re going to end up drinking through fall may just give us all diabetes.” Holster said, trying to cheer everyone up again.

“With all of the pie y’all snatch whilst it’s cooling, you think this’ll get you before my baking?” Bitty retorted with a small grin despite himself, eliciting a snort from Lardo.

“Don’t forget the peppermint hot chocolates all through winter! I’d recommend for Christmas the team buys their manager a forklift to take her to all their matches.” Lardo said as she took a sip from one of the cups.

Bitty giggled as he dragged a cup toward himself, popped the lid and emptied a pack of sugar into it stirring it serenely.

“Woah Bitty, what’s with the extra sugar? This coffee’s already nearly as sweet as you are.” Holster joked with a chuckle.

Lardo spluttered into the cup as if she was choking before bursting into a fit of laughter whilst Bitty blushed from ear to ear.

“It’s just a habit I guess…” Bitty muttered, not meeting his gaze.

Holster considered not pushing his luck but the opportunity for some chirping was golden.

“But Bitty, with the competition for best hockey booty between you and Ransom the extra sugar’s like admitting defeat already! And don’t tell Ransom or I’ll deny it, but I think you’re currently winning.” he said with a cheesy grin and a wink.

Bitty’s eyes went wide as his blush spread down his neck, dipping beneath his shirt.

Lardo gently kicked Holster under the table. “Lay off him,” she said with a laugh “he looks like he’s gonna have an aneurism.”

Bitty just nudged her with his elbow before taking a sip of the coffee.

“This is nice.” Bitty said quietly, looking contemplatively at the cup, “I’ve missed you guys.”

Lardo’s eyes flicked toward Bitty. Her smile dropped slightly.

Holster was struggling now. Humour was his strength, but this was a problem too big to fix with jokes alone. It looked like it was time for a new tactic.

“OK…I think it’s time we cleared the air - and before anyone jumps in, hear me out.” he said, gesturing at them to hold on.

“It’s obvious that we’re all going through something big which we either don’t want to or, for some reason, can’t talk about.” He looked at them each in turn, but they both refused to meet his eyes. “We’re on the same team and we care about each other which means we’ve got each other’s backs. I think we should make a pact to share whatever we can with each other about what’s going on, but it doesn’t leave our group. I’m not saying this is a cure for what’s happening but I think that it’d be good for all of us to know that we’re not alone. Agreed?”

Lardo and Bitty were silent, both biting their lips as if they wanted to say something but weren’t sure whether they should.

“I guess that means I’m first then.” Holster said with a sigh, fists clenching on the table as a sign of his discomfort.

Lardo and Bitty both looked at him with a mix of curiosity and concern.

“I’m bi…” he began, bringing a look of shock to Bitty’s face, whilst Lardo just raised an eyebrow as if this wasn’t a surprise. “The thing is - I have a crush on Ransom but him being straight means we could only ever be friends. But right now…weeeeee’re not getting on very well after the whole ‘voting-for-his-captaincy’ thing and now I think that our friendship is starting to fall apart.”

“Oh bro…” Lardo practically whispered, putting her hand on one of his fists. Bitty watched on with a thoughtful expression before jumping in.

“I can’t say the name as I made a promise, but a guy I was seeing can’t be out. He told me he loved me but we can’t be together after we… kissed.” He bit his lip for a moment. The pause suggested that it was more than a kiss but that was all he’d admit to, at least for now. “He said he couldn’t stand to see me stuck in a secret relationship and that I deserved someone who would hold my hand. Someone who could show me that they care in front of everyone. Someone who could make me happy.”

Bitty took a moment to take a breath before continuing, staring down at the table with a determined expression. It looked pretty obvious to Holster that he was focusing a lot of effort on not getting upset in front of them.

“He wanted to stay friends, but we haven’t spoken since and I’m just so confused. It still hurts so much. He didn’t let me make a choice, but I can’t deny that there was some truth in what he said. I want all of those things, but I just hoped that one day I’d share those moments with him.”

“Bits!” Lardo said, pulling Bitty into a one armed hug whilst keeping her other hand on Holster’s.

There was a short pause whilst Bitty started quietly sobbing. Holster could see Lardo’s contemplative expression as she traced circles on Bitty’s back with her hand. Holster saw her face shift into a look of determination just before she started talking.

“Shitty said he loves me.” Bitty suddenly stopped sobbing and took his head off her shoulder. If it wasn’t such a serious situation, Holster would have burst into laughter at Bitty’s expression which he could only compare to the open mouthed shock of stereotypical valley girls in comedies.

“Oh my God, Lardo!” Bitty whispered excitedly.

“Chill your beans Bits…it’s not a good ending.” she said with a sad smile that didn’t reach her eyes. “I couldn’t say I loved him back. I just laughed from the surprise and we haven’t really spoken since. I want to let him know that I like him too, but I’m scared that it wouldn’t work out with the work we’d have to put into it.”

Bitty must have seen her squeeze her eyes shut just as Holster did, and he pulled her into a full and tearful hug.

Holster let them have their moment. The past few minutes had been really draining, but he felt relieved just to have said something. Maybe now they could all move on.

“Well that was a rollercoaster.” Holster started. “At least now it’s all out there and we know we’re not alone, yeah?”

Lardo nodded into Bitty’s damp shoulder whilst Bitty turned to Holster and smiled.

“Yeah, and thanks for being so honest with us Holster. It means a lot.”

“No worries Bits, I know you guys have got my back like I’ve got yours.” Holster said with a genuine grin before coming up with the perfect line.

“Plus now Bits there’s no excuse for the Spring C this year, ‘cause you could always be my date.” Holster said wiggling his eyebrows.

Lardo snorted with laughter with her head still buried in Bitty’s shoulder. With a slight blush returning to his face, Bitty just gave a chuckle.

“You’re such a doofus Holster.” he said, screwing up and throwing a napkin at him with his free hand.

After that they continued to chat and joke. They sat in the booth for another couple of hours getting in another round of coffees and realising it was the most fun they’d had this year. At least for now, the weight of their problems had lessened with having them shared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is from the Marina and the Diamonds song as it seemed appropriate. Let me know what you guys think.


	3. Some Sun Has Got To Rise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bitty and Lardo have either found a way to cope or attack the problems they discussed at Annie's. Holster however was struggling with how he should tackle the Ransom situation...

It had been a couple of weeks since their ‘group therapy session’ at Annie’s and the mood of the Haus had shifted somewhat.

Bitty began baking, slowly but surely luring in the frogs and soon after the tadpoles who Holster didn’t think had even visited the Haus up to that point. Soon Bitty had even started cooking team meals again so that no-one had to suffer the cafeteria food, a fact which everyone was grateful for. He’d even gone so far as to apologise to Nursey, Dex and Chowder for having been so distant lately. It was clear to everyone who spent time with him that he still wasn’t over whatever had happened, but he was trying and so no-one pressed the issue making sure to let him know that they were all there for him if he needed.

Lardo had messaged Shitty to try to start a conversation, she’d revealed to Holster a couple of days after their coffee trip. From what he’d been told, the conversation between Lardo and Shitty had come easily again, just like how it had been before Shitty’s admission.

About a week after their conversation, she announced that she was heading out to Harvard to see Shitty that weekend and so when the time came Holster had given her a lift to the station to see her off whilst everyone else was busy. When they had arrived at the station Holster, actually trying to be a gentleman for once, got her case out of the trunk for her. Lardo just punched him in the arm in response before she pulled him into a tight hug and thanked him for being there for her.

As for Holster during the past two weeks, he hadn’t known what to do about Ransom. They shared a room but it was as if Ransom didn’t live there any more as he was always either at the library, at class or at Faber. Holster had tried to speak to him a couple of times when they were in their bunks but Ransom just said he was too tired as he turned to face the wall.

It was only on that Friday evening, two weeks after Annie’s that he finally cornered him. It was gone eleven and Holster had just changed into a tee and shorts for bed when Ransom entered their room. They each said their hellos before Holster went to the bathroom and Ransom got changed himself. When Holster came back into the room, Ransom was about to leave.

“Ransom, wait.” he’d asked, but Ransom just continued toward the door. His hand was already on the handle when Holster grabbed his shoulder.

“Please, we need to talk…”

Ransom’s shoulders were initially tense but after a moment or so they relaxed. He turned around to face Holster, his annoyance plain to see in his expression. Holster had seen  that look before, but not usually directed at him and it hurt in a way he hadn’t expected.

Holster moved to the chair whilst Ransom sat on the bed.

“I don’t know what I’ve done to make you so mad at me, but I’m so sorry. I don’t know what I can do to make it right, but it’s killing me thinking that you hate me.”

Ransom’s expression shifted suddenly from aggravation to sadness before sighing and looking at his feet.

“I’m just tired Hols. This is our last year at Samwell but there’s so much on that I’m wishing I could just graduate and get it over with.”

Ransom looked up and Holster must have looked shocked as he continued to explain quickly.

“Last year when the captaincy was being discussed, I guessed there were three main options for the C. I hoped that with Jack making eyes at Bitty he’d give him the C, giving you and me time to relax outside of my classes and course stuff. If that didn’t work out, I was hoping that they’d let us share the captaincy so that we could share the workload together and still have fun with it. The only other option would be either you or me being captain, and either way one of us would be so busy that we’d hardly have time for each other. All three seemed likely until you started telling people how leader-like I was. You kept pushing it even when I told you not to, and then when everyone voted me in I knew things would change. I didn’t want to blame you for this, but every time I wanted to talk to you I just kept thinking about how if you’d have just backed off it wouldn’t have been like this.”

Holster got out of the chair and knelt in front of Ransom who had grabbed fistfuls of the blanket in frustration.

“Oh Rans, I’m so sorry. I didn’t think about the workload at the time.” Holster said, resting his hand on Ransom’s knee. “I just thought you were the best option for this. Bitty or me, when compared to you, just wouldn’t be able to push the team to be their best. You know the game and you try so hard at everything, so you seemed like the obvious choice. Is there anything I could do?”

When Ransom met Holster’s eyes, he looked defeated.

“It’s too late now. . I’ve just got to make it through the year and when it’s all done I can just chill.”

“I know you think you need to do this by yourself, but you still need to make time to do other things. Promise me you’ll hang out with us some nights, ok? Even if you have to schedule them I don’t care, but don’t think you need to be alone in this.”

“Holster you sap, c’mere.” Ransom said, pulling him into a hug.

“Is that a yes then?” Holster joked. “And you do realise that practice doesn’t count.”

Ransom pulled away to see Holster’s smirk.

“Who else is gonna beat your ass at Mario Kart?”

As Holster made to get up, Ransom grabbed his wrist.

“Wait…” Ransom said, Holster’s heart caught in his throat. “Just - thanks for looking out for me, even if I am being a tool bro.”

Holster smiled, trying to supress the flutter in his chest - of course Ransom wasn’t going to confess his undying love.

“No problem, just don’t make us all worry again.” Holster replied with a lopsided smile.

After that, things got a lot less tense between them. Ransom started joining in with the team meals and though he still disappeared every so often, he made sure to turn up for team movie and games nights. As they saw each other and hung out less it had become more of a casual friendship than before. Being so wrapped up in their friendship Holster had never felt lonely, but now things were different. Even when he was surrounded by friends he found himself missing something else, companionship. Unprovoked, he found himself wishing for someone who could cuddle up to him, someone to just chill out together with watching his favourite old rom coms. It started out as just a feeling of wanting someone there, but it wasn’t too long before things began to change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my beta, you guys feeding back on here or on Tumblr and any of you who've liked this so far. Reference song for this is Despair by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs.


End file.
